why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
