she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
