Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
