Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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