All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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