Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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