I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
