Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
