I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
