It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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