I must be too annoying 4 u.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
