Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
