Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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