Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
