And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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