Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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