she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
