I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
