I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In America we eat man semen.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
