we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
