Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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