Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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