Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
