Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
