Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
