Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
