I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You pole danced in your parka.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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