The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He shit in the fireplace
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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