i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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