Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
