My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
