OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
