My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
