Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Someone shit on the floor
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
