went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
