He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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