we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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