Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
