i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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