dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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