You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
