I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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