How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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