fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can I color on your dick again?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
