mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
