Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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