I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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