hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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