i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
