i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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