i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
please don't ironically join a cult
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